The funny disease.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Doesn’t the Second Amendment Cover This?

Oh the shame and humiliation of making the national news. I would rather some whackjob had tried to blow up the Chandler Home Depot again. But no. We have to face public humiliation for having the world’s dumbest school administrators. They work at Payne Junior High, which is part of Chandler Unified School District.

Last week a 13 year-old student of Payne Junior High was suspended for 5 days as the result of doodling a gun on an assignment. According to the school he violated their “No Tolerance” gun policy. Parents of the child spoke with administrators, who agreed to reduce the sentence to 3 days.

Paula Mosteller, mother of the child, cannot believe that her son was suspended for sketching a gun. She said, "I just can't believe that there wasn't another way to resolve this." Administrators have filed the sketch of the gun in her child’s Permanent Record. They would not release it, even for the ogling pleasure of public. They also declined to explain why the sketch was viewed as a threat.

My theory is that the Principal of Payne Junior High, who is ultimately responsible for the 3-day suspension, upon accepting her position stuffed a knitting needle up her nose and scrambled her brains until the resulting bloody gray goo ran out onto her sensible 1-inch pumps. That is the only possible explanation for absentmindedly handing down suspensions in the name of “No Tolerance.”

The school administration is not commenting on the story. There might be a piece of the missing puzzle. But why then, would administrators not have told the Mostellers, who appear to be baffled by the overreaction of the school to what can’t possibly be the first gun sketch to enter its hallowed halls.

If it were my kid, I’d have school administrators in court faster than they could say ACLU. Perfectly normal, nice children draw pictures of guns and tanks and Serbian Death Squads. These violent drawings are not indicative of a child’s intention to commit violence. They are indicative of a gun-obsessed culture and the highly impressionable nature of children.

Incidentally, the East Valley also contains the world’s dumbest news team. ABC affiliate, KNXV, told viewers that a child was suspended for “drawing a gun.” They neglected to add “on a piece of paper,” until about 30 seconds into the story.

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