Cursed Tongue Guide to Surviving a Toaster Oven Fire

The key to surviving a toaster oven fire is to be prepared for disaster. Every house/apartment/meth lab should have a fire extinguisher rated for flammable liquid fires, and electrical fires.

• Don’t be surprised that your smoke alarm didn’t go off when the kitchen is full of smoke just because it goes off every time you make toast
• Don’t Panic
• Don’t open the toaster oven door
• Don’t pour water on the fire
• Don’t pour Windex on the fire
• Don’t drive to the Wal-Mart

1. Unplug the toaster oven
2. Get the fire extinguisher
3. Read the instructions on the extinguisher, which you should have read before you went anywhere near the toaster oven
4. Point the fire extinguisher at the toaster oven
5. Follow the instructions on your fire extinguisher
6. If the toaster oven has stopped burning skip to step 9
   
7. If there are still flames licking the toaster oven, call the fire department
8. Leave the area, wait for fire department
   
9. Spend five hours cursing yourself for not setting the timer while you clean up the fine potassium bicarbonate powder off of every surface in your kitchen, including ones you didn’t even realize you had
10. Open windows to air out the space
11. Place bowls filled with vinegar on the counters to mitigate the smell of smoke
12. Now you can drive to Wal-Mart for a new toaster oven and fire extinguisher