The funny disease.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Turnoffs Include: Mouth-breathers at the Movies

Yesterday evening we went to see Wallace and Gromit on Sunday evening. We went to the 7:20 showing, hoping that small children would have to be in bed by 8. It wasn't bedlam, but there were pretty many children there. Including some parents that decided to sit right behind us. You know the kind of jokes they slip into Wallace and Gromit, through text on books and packages. More than one person felt the need to read these puns out loud. Trust me, those of you who read those things out loud to your kid, they won't get it, because there’s a good chance that they're just as intelligent as you.


The person that had the honor of sitting behind me to annoy me through the whole movie was a baby. That baby babbled behind us for a good portion of that interminably long movie. I always thought that spine-crunching screams of a newborn were horrible, but this was more annoying than the helpful purchasing suggestions by the Timmy at the concessions stand. I just couldn't bring myself to shush a baby. To add insult to injury the proud parent of this darling little creature thought it was the cutest thing that Baby talked through the whole movie.


I suppose I should count myself lucky that the dribblers in the audience weren’t as bored by that movie as I was. Then I’m sure we would have had someone’s Little Einstein hanging from the light fixtures. It’s times like this that I wonder why I even bother going to the movies anymore. At $18 for two tickets, plus another $10 for sodas and popcorn, and $3 worth of gas while Sweetface does parking lot laps for a “close” space, that totals $31 per trip. If we go five times a year that’s $155. I’m sure if I adjust for inflation, it would only take 16 years for that projection TV that Sweetface wants to pay for itself.

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