Signs That You Might Be an Idiot Dog-Owner:

• You bought your dog at the mall.
• You still feed your dog “wet” canned food.
• You don’t know that there are dog seatbelt harnesses on the market.
• You’ve never been to the ASPCA website to read their publication “A Poison Safe Home.”
• Your dog is too stupid to be house trained.
• You blame the dog for eating the paper plate covered in pizza grease that you left on your TV tray.
• Your dog’s favorite activity is ripping up garbage bags so that your neighbors are constantly picking up tiny piece of gnawed black plastic that fly into their yards.
• You don’t wash your dog’s bowls every day.
• You let your dog poop anywhere and leave it as a monument to your thoughtless vulgarity.
• You chose a dog of a particular breed because you thought it was “cute.”
• You chose a Siberian Husky because you like the movie Snow Dogs.
• You ever leave your dog crated without water.
• You dog barks incessantly in the middle of the night and you don’t do anything about it.
• The police come to your house because a neighbor was concerned about your dog being outside in 100-degree weather without any water.
• You do two or more of the above and you’re thinking of getting a second dog.