The Price of Jet Fuel is What?

Just in case, Dear Reader, it isn’t obvious from my scanty postings I was on vacation for a couple of weeks. I know that my lack of postings indicate that I was gone for longer than that, but there’s prep time in there, and recovery time. (As far as you know.)

While recuperating from jet lag, seat squish twitch, deep vein thrombosis, the Delta Airlines Crud and Dutch cheese withdrawal, I was wondering what it would take to fly first class. I thought I had reached the pain point on international flights, where it would just be easier to pay double and fly without my knees shoved up some stranger's rear.

I did about ten minutes worth of research to find the cost, First Class and Slave Boat Class, of tickets from Phoenix to Frankfurt, Germany, in September. The lowest fair for Slave Boat Class was $733. I thought that $733 seemed pretty reasonable. Considering that Germany and Arizona are thousands of miles apart.





So then, I revised my search to include First Class, instead of Slave Boat Class. The lowest price is $10,402. That’s about 14 times the Slave Boat Class price of $733. (Business Class was about 6 or 7 times the price of Slave Boat Class.)






Is there a complete disconnect here? Or am I crazy? First Class cannot be worth $10,000. Unless maybe you’re flying to Mars.

Are First Class travelers up there getting facials, manicure/pedicures, full body massages, and happy endings? I really can’t understand how airlines can expect people to pay 14 times the price of Slave Boat Class to ride, in what I like to call the “You’re all going to die, first” Zone. It's like the airlines said, "Okay, you can ride up front, but you have to pay for the gas." When you're talking about jet fuel, what kind of deal is that? Is there a solid gold, self-cleaning toilet seat in the First Class lavatory that the flight attendants ask the human chattel not to use? Even if it were, would it really be worth an extra $9,669?

First Class Passengers pay that much extra and breath the same dry, recirculated air. They don't get there that much earlier. I highly doubt that Sky Chef is capable of a meal much better than the gloppy gravy muck, with sun-dried tomatoes, that Slave Boat Class gets. So really, they're paying a pretty exorbitant mark-up for a comfier seat and more space.

Next time we fly international Sweetface and I are buying an extra seat and I’m bringing mini bottles of lemon-flavored vodka in my purse. Lots of mini bottles.