Quitter: The Katie Couric Story

Dear, sweet, loveable cuddly Katie Couric caused widespread panic in early morning TV viewers last week, when she announced that she was leaving “Today,” to take the anchor desk at CBS evening news. Meredith Vieira of “The View,” is taking the role of charismatic everywoman on “Today,” leaving “View” viewers to wonder if the show will sustain its trademark cacophony of feminine discontent only rivaled by the noise of an overcrowded hen house. Not since Kathy Lee Gifford wearied of Regis Philbin's incessant yelling, has the world of daytime TV seen such destruction and devastation.

There’s a short list of celebrities I can’t stand and dear as she seems to be to the rest of America, Katie Couric is on it. She is often referred to fondly as if she is common folk and the girl next door, yet she makes over $15 million a year. “The Katie Factor,” an article in Newsweek about the harrowing tale of the Katie Couric controversy mentions her “handlers.” Salt of the earth people don’t make millions of dollars a year, they don’t wear Prada, and they don’t have handlers.

Couric may be cute, but that doesn’t make her your friend. It also doesn’t make her stupid. Even though I don’t particularly like her, I believe she is entirely capable of anchoring the news. Now, many a time I have been watching CNN, or Fox News and don’t even get me started on the local news, and heard gross mispronunciations, stupid questions and wild speculation trickle like viscous drool from lips of supposedly real newscasters. Of all of the times I accidentally watched the “Today” show I never heard Couric fumble. Look what the griping news media did. They made me defend Katie Couric!

CBS Curmudgeon-in-residence, Andy Rooney, is quoted as saying, “I think everybody likes Katie Couric—I mean, how can you not like Katie Couric—but I don't know anybody at CBS News who is pleased that she's coming here.” There are people at CBS who are pleased that Katie Couric is moving to CBS—the people who hired her, duh. She shouldn’t have to take guff from the man who may have been a crackerjack journalist back when Crackerjacks came with fun prizes, but he now does snippy commentaries on such hard-hitting, newsworthy topics as Girl Scout Cookies and artificial Jell-O flavoring.

Anyone who says Couric is unfit to read the news because America has seen the inside of her pipes hasn’t seen the mouth breathers that are reading the news now. It was not only brave to televise her colonoscopy, it was useful, valuable news. How many people live in fear of such an invasive, potentially life-prolonging procedure? (Believe me, no one should have to endure colon cancer. It’s a nasty, horrible disease that’s taken a lot of good people.) How many people care about deconstructing Girl Scout Cookies?

Besides, it isn’t as if CBS offered the anchor desk to Kelly Ripa. (Remember, "All that jiggles, is not Jell-O.")