Knitting Needles: A Danger to Grapefruits and Others.

Injured Grapefruit
Originally uploaded by Cursed Tongue.

Dear Nancy Knitsugly (who lost a half-finished, knit one purl one, something on the Southbound 101 on Sunday):

Thanks for being absentminded, and/or a completely thoughtless, self-absorbed, danger-to-others litterbug. Your knitting project flew at our poor little Saturn and hit us with a thump as we were driving home from Easter dinner this Sunday.

Luckily, the dangerously pointy needle and your handy-work were both lodged under our bumper, instead of protruding from what could have been our punctured tire. The adjoining yarn whipped over the hood and roof of our vehicle, trailing about twenty yards behind. It was severed from the ball of yarn, which I believe was caught on a blue Honda Civic.

As far as picking yarn for your now lost mystery project, I must say that you rose to the occasion, if your goal was find the world’s only repulsive neutral color. That ball of yarn was in the bargain bin for good reason, so I suppose that puts a couple of notches in the senile column for you. Not only did your carelessness potentially endanger the lives of others, you were possibly intending to inflict an itchy, unsightly sweater on a loved one.

If you wish to collect your tossed-aside masterpiece, I took care to tuck it safely into the trash bin by pump No. 6 at the Amoco by the Olive Avenue Exit.

I hope your family gathers around you for an ugly yarn intervention, and/or has you committed.

Best wishes,
Sarah
Cursed Tongue