Sexist Gore at Grills Galore: Time to Bring Back Asbestos

Yesterday we went to Grills Galore, in an attempt to find a fire resistant mat that didn’t resemble petrified vomit and would cost us less than $30 to put under our charcoal grill so we will not drip grease onto our drip-free patio. We found a fabric-like, vinyl-backed gray mat for gas grills, but Sweetface thinks it was not spark-proof. (I say, if you don’t try to set it on fire, how do you know?)

Unfortunately, they could not accommodate our wishes, as they carried only the $30 floor mats and only in Upchuck Brown. Seeing as how Sweetface had taken me to the craft store earlier in the day, I thought we should spend a little time perusing the tongs and Cajun fat injectors. The salesmen outnumbered the customers in need of assistance, so they were chewing the barbecued fat.

Sweetface was oblivious to their conversation, and was instead enthralled by the wide selection of wood chips and the mere existence of habanero pepper flakes. But I heard every word as the salesmen unabashedly discussed the lovely city of Santa Anna, Texas. Where, according to Salesman Steve, the streets are lined with hookers. Salesman Clem affirmed the existence of said open-air brothel, and the pair of them dazzled Junior Salesman Billy with tales of the allegedly unholy place. In the course of the conversation I must have heard the word hookers about 15 times. And we could have been from Texas, for all they new. Ok, I’m sure they knew we weren’t from Texas, but that’s not the point.

What piece is missing from the male brain that men think it’s okay to discuss hookers and my other favorite h-word topic of all time, hooters, in front of women they do not know, and perhaps hope to get a sales commission from? If I had a pig for every time I’ve been privileged enough to be the sole female witness to an in-depth analysis of the curves of the blond in the office across the hall, I’d be up to my three chins in bacon.

It leaves me wondering if any of my Dear Male Readers ever find themselves to be the only man in a room and feel uncomfortable because the women are discussing the contours of Antonio Banderas.


Note: Women discussing menses does not count. When a group of women discuss monthly bodily functions in front of a man, they are trying to get rid of him so they can talk about something much more important, like the contours of Antonio Banderas.