2006 Has Come and Life Goes On, News at 10

It’s only six days into the New Year and already there have been approximately 2 billion, three hundred thirty eight million, six hundred ninety four thousand, seven hundred and thirty two exclamations by television reporters of their utter dismay that tragedy continues to take place even though it is now 2006.

“It’s only been 6 days since the New Year and already there have been 3 tragic deaths in the valley.” For veteran news reporters, possessing manageable hair and perfect elocution is far more important than logical thought. While more forgivable than making wild speculations about a news event being filmed by Chopper Cam, and mispronouncing words like ekspecially, the rampant belief that all should be right with the world for the first week after our arbitrarily chosen date for the beginning of each year is seriously annoying.