The funny disease.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Christmas Greet This

I’m having a massive attack of Merry Christmas guilt. I haven’t so much as put up so much as a sprig of holly or a single twinkle light, let alone written one Christmas card. And I still have Christmas shopping to do. Out of 50 vaguely marked boxes what do I find today? The box with the Christmas cards. So my good excuse is gone. Sure, I could have lied about it, but my quasi-Catholic heritage pours on the guilt regardless of good excuses, so I might as well fess up.

At the moment Christmas cards are the bane of my existence. I could just print out address labels and simply sign them, I suppose. Just because Martha Stewart’s secretary would write a personal message to everyone on Martha’s list, doesn’t mean I have to. But that leads me right back down the path of face-burning shame. Just what is so horrible about Christmas cards? It’s deciding what happened in my life last year that a) I would like other people to know about and b) that I think they would like to hear about. Not many people care if you went to Tahiti on vacation last May and that you ate too much pineapple and drank too many Mai Tais and then vomited in the foliage by the pool.

I am seriously considering a sex change so I can get out of any and all obligations to correspond over the holidays. You lucky crotch-scratching, spitting, belching, snorting, smelly gorillas. You don’t know how good you have it.


Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Wimmens is so silly!! Now gitch yer be-otch ass in the kitchen and write me an X-mas card...

What would Santa Christ think if you didn't let everyone know what it be like. I hate the snapper heads that just sign their name like they are doing you some big frikkin' favor takin' time out of their oh so important lives to send you a crappity peice of cardboard with a picture of Rudolph the red-assed frikkin' reindeer on it. Screw 'em all...

12/14/2005 7:47 PM

Blogger Sarah Letnes said...

How 'bout I write it in your driveway with branches from your ocotillo?

12/17/2005 7:50 PM


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