Dead Isn’t Funny

Lame and Horrifying Excuses for Continuing to Smoke:

1. I switched to light cigarettes.
2. I’ll get fat. (You’ll fit in with the 64.5% percent of overweight Americans)
3. Why do I need to quit with all of the teeth-whiteners on the market?
4. As a staunch Feminist, I’m trying to close the gap between the percentage of female and male smokers.
5. I’m supporting American farmers.
6. There are only 22.5% of us left; I have to keep the tradition alive.
7. I like to annoy restaurant goers and get dirty looks from strangers.
8. I don’t want to see my bratty grandkids grow up.
9. I switched to chew. That’s much better for me. (Aaauuch!)
10. If I didn’t quit while I was pregnant, why would I quit now?

Okay, I made some of those up. I heard an actual person say excuse number 10, out loud, in public! That’s more horrifying than the dialog for Commander in Chief. Take this day as a good excuse to bother your smoking/chewing loved ones, and also to tell the quitters in your life that you’re glad they gave up the tobacco habit.

Happy National Smoke-Out Day!