The funny disease.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Decoding Realtor Lingo

  • All appliances stay = All appliances over 15 years old
  • Close to Freeway = Hopefully earmuffs look good on you
  • Cozy = Save money by using postage stamp as rugs
  • Cute = Forget being able to turn around
  • Fixer-upper = May be habitable if you put Contractor’s children through college
  • Great neighborhood = there hasn’t been a carjacking in three years
  • Handy Man’s Delight = Tear down
  • Huge covered rear patio = sunroom that homeowner left unfinished
  • Just reduced 10K = home backs dirt bike race course
  • Just reduced 15K = home backs High School football stadium
  • Light Fix-up = Water main breakage
  • Location! Location! Location! = Close to the mall, but backs up to street that makes New Jersey Turnpike look like soap box derby
  • Lots of grass and trees = Back yard contains plot of Brazilian Rainforest
  • Low maintenance back yard = yard completely paved over
  • Many upgrades = tile and countertops lovely shade of pink
  • Priced to sell = priced 15% over comparable homes
  • Pride of ownership = homeowners scrubbed mold out of grout before showing
  • Unlimited potential = Older than dirt, but spacious
  • Walking distance from Elementary school = six registered sex offenders w/in 3 mile radius


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