Decoding Realtor Lingo

• All appliances stay = All appliances over 15 years old
• Close to Freeway = Hopefully earmuffs look good on you
• Cozy = Save money by using postage stamp as rugs
• Cute = Forget being able to turn around
• Fixer-upper = May be habitable if you put Contractor’s children through college
• Great neighborhood = there hasn’t been a carjacking in three years
• Handy Man’s Delight = Tear down
• Huge covered rear patio = sunroom that homeowner left unfinished
• Just reduced 10K = home backs dirt bike race course
• Just reduced 15K = home backs High School football stadium
• Light Fix-up = Water main breakage
• Location! Location! Location! = Close to the mall, but backs up to street that makes New Jersey Turnpike look like soap box derby
• Lots of grass and trees = Back yard contains plot of Brazilian Rainforest
• Low maintenance back yard = yard completely paved over
• Many upgrades = tile and countertops lovely shade of pink
• Priced to sell = priced 15% over comparable homes
• Pride of ownership = homeowners scrubbed mold out of grout before showing
• Unlimited potential = Older than dirt, but spacious
• Walking distance from Elementary school = six registered sex offenders w/in 3 mile radius